Storm in a Soap Dish

The following letters are taken from on actual incident that occurred between a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel eventually submitted the entire correspondence to the Sunday Times.

Dear maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dove. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,

Mr Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the three hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The six bars on your shelf took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the three bars I left today as my instructions from the management are to leave three soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, relief maid

Dear maid

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added three little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own both-size Dove, so I won't need those six little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

Mr Berman

Dear Mr Berman,

My day off was last Wednesday, so the relief maid left three hotel soaps, which we are instructed to do by the management. I took the six soaps that were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soup dish where your Dove was. I put the Dove in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the three complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not objet to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you hove any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.

Thank you, Elaine Carmen, housekeeper.

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible for me to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45am and don't get back before 5:30pm. That is the reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty I only asked Mr Kensedder If he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must hove thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another three bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of three bars on the bathroom shelf. In just five days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

Mr Berman

Dear Mr Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8om and 5pm.

Thank you, Elaine Carmen, housekeeper.

Dear Mr Kensedder,

My bath-size Dove is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own both-size Dove. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me four little Cashmere Bouquets.

Mr Berman

Dear Mr Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave three bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder assistant manager

Dear Mrs Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dove. Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dove. Please give me back my bath-size Dove.

Mr Berman

Dear Mr Bermon,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them: the 24 Camays that were taken and the three Camays you are supposed to receive daily, I didn't know anything about the four Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the three daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea that this hotel issues bath-size Dove. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory, which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen, housekeeper

Dear Mrs Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

On the shelf under medicine cabinet: 18 Camay in four stacks of four and one stack of two;
On the Kleenex dispenser: 11 Camay in two stacks of four plus one stack of three;
On the bedroom dresser: one stack of three Cashmere Bouquet, one stack of four hotel-size Ivory, and eight Camay in two stacks of four;
Inside the medicine cabinet: 14 Camay in three stacks of four and one stock of two;
In the shower soap dish: six Camay, very moist.
On the Northeast corner of tub: one Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used;
On the Northwest corner of tub: six Camays in two stacks of three.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than four have a tendency to tip.

May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dove which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

Mr Berman